How I met my worst self when I lost 40 pounds
When I was an 18-year-old high school senior living in Ecuador, I decided to change my eating habits.
At the time, in 2013, I weighed 160 pounds. I thought I was chubby but never felt bad about it. I felt pretty, and for me, that was enough.
My mom started guiding me into making healthier choices, like having a salad as a side, drinking more water and hitting the gym a few times a week. After a month, I started to see the changes.
I lost 10 pounds for my graduation ceremony, my digestion improved, I had more energy and I started to wear dresses I never thought I could. The comment “you look amazing” became common. After two years with that lifestyle, I lost 30 pounds.
The problem was when I started wanting more.
When I turned 21, no one was telling me that I looked great anymore. Was I beginning to get fat again? I needed to do something, so I turned to this other friend that I had recently started to hang out with: Instagram.
Instagram is a place where users, not necessarily health or nutrition specialists, promote unrealistic ideas about body image. This tends to be common in social networks with a strong focus on picture posting, like Facebook or Snapchat.
A recent study by the International Journal of Eating Disorders discovered social media is associated with disordered eating among young people. After conducting a study with around 1,000 adolescents, researchers found that 52% of girls and 45% of boys with at least one social media account showed behaviors related to disordered eating like strict exercise and meal skipping.
The study’s author, Simon Wilksch, a researcher and clinician in the area of eating disorders in Australia’s Flinders University, explained that the mental component behind disordered eating is prioritizing “one’s body shape, weight, food intake or exercise.” As adolescence is a time of strong peer influence, young users could easily believe what they see online. Sadly, most of what we see is not reachable for every type of body, and I learned that the hard way.
Social media has made it easier to compare appearances, which can negatively affect self-esteem. As Mariea Snell, a nursing professor at Maryville University, mentioned for an interview with Forbes: “When you look at any social media you are bombarded with information on what diet you should be doing, what size you should be and how happy others are that are thin and beautiful.”
I followed health tips from people I didn’t know who were losing weight. Some of them were: no double carbs, no fruits at night, avoid sugar whenever possible, don’t eat popcorn at the movies and go to the gym every day.
Eating my homemade Ecuadorian food became a sin, as many plates include lots of rice and plantains. I started avoiding those meals, and yes, that included feeling guilty in any family reunion with a lot of food.
I ended up weighing 120 pounds. I could see the bones around my elbows and my ribs next to my waist. I thought I look great, but eating became torture. I was a victim of Instagram dieting myths.
Social media is not the place to learn how to properly eat because not everyone who recommends diets knows what they’re talking about.
Nowadays, it’s becoming more common to read about intermittent fasting and the ketogenic diet. According to the annual Pollock Communications and Today’s Dietitian “What’s Trending in Nutrition” survey, the ketogenic (keto) diet, a low-carbohydrate diet based on fat, is in first place in 2020 as the most popular eating trend, followed by intermittent fasting, which consists of alternating periods of eating.
The survey also reveals that the top sources for nutrition misinformation are celebrities, blogs and social media. We tend to forget that the results a person gets with a keto diet or fasting, won’t be the same with everybody.
Following trends can lead to an unhealthy obsession. It led me to become obsessed with losing weight, counting calories and quitting groups of food that I thought made me fat, like dairy. I won’t lie: Stepping on a scale and finding out that I lost two pounds felt incredible. The mistake was my behavior after stepping off the scale.
I started avoiding social gatherings or birthdays because I told myself I couldn’t eat cake or “greasy” snacks. I didn’t go on dates because I didn’t want to have an ice cream or explain why I didn’t want it.
I used to cry because I didn’t know how to change my mindset. I just wanted to be skinny, like them, the people I followed.
When I didn’t get my period for three months, I knew I needed to stop.
I went with my mom to the gynecologist’s office, who witnessed the moment when the gynecologist told me that my body was lacking iron.
Then, I went to the nutritionist, who taught me how to properly eat to be healthy not only skinny. I also discovered that I suffered from an eating disorder called orthorexia, an obsession with healthy food, as noted by Time magazine. When orthorexics eat healthy meals, they feel good; unhealthy food fills them with anxiety. Just like me.
According to the Foundation for Research and Education in Eating Disorders website, at least 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States suffer from an eating disorder sometime in their lives, like anorexia nervosa and bulimia.
Binge eating is the most common eating disorder in the U.S., according to the National Eating Disorders Association, which consists of eating lots of food very quickly to the point of discomfort and guiltiness that can drive people to take unhealthy measures like purging.
My recommendation is that if someone wants to lose weight, they should go to a specialist. Moreover, people need to understand that improving your lifestyle should be your goal, not merely losing weight. There is not an ideal diet that suits everyone as not everyone gets the same results. Eating doesn’t have to make us suffer.
After all that I went through, I discovered the world of moderation and balance. I’ve been in this lifestyle for four years, where I enjoy having fruit as a snack, a salad as a side, but also a slice of pizza. I don’t punish myself anymore. I keep exercising and resting when my body needs it. I enjoy cooking. I’m in love with a guy who’s into sweets. I have my period every month and my digestion is great.
I’m back to 130 pounds now. I’ll never be 18 again, but I can save my self-esteem. I started working on convincing myself that I’m worth more than just a number on a scale.
I’ll be turning 25 very soon and I can’t wait to host a party … with cake. I’m happy, I’m healthy. I’m my best self.
